Strategic Planning for a Purposeful Life

Dr. Amelia Duran Stanton, a revered colonel with an impressive 32-year tenure in the US Army, unveils her extraordinary life story and shares her wisdom on empowerment and resilience. Her journey from an enlisted soldier to a colonel is not just a tale of professional success but also one of personal growth and mentorship. Dr. Stanton's book "The Lotus Within" serves as a beacon for women striving to strategically plan their futures, offering insights into prioritization and time management. Tune in to uncover her motivations and the invaluable lessons she imparts for both women and men seeking to navigate their careers and personal lives with purpose and balance.

Find yourself captivated by discussions around ikigai, the beautiful intersection of passion, vocation, profession, and mission, as Dr. Stanton provides guidance on how to discover fulfillment in both career and personal life. The episode sheds light on the complexities of balancing professional duties and personal passions, especially for those in demanding roles like the military. Gain practical strategies for managing responsibilities, fostering supportive relationships, and aligning life with core values through reflective exercises and candid conversations. Learn how to gracefully transition from military to civilian life, with advice on planning for retirement and adapting to new routines.

This conversation also touches on the importance of self-care and routine during transitional phases, emphasizing the role of mentorship and community support. Dr. Stanton's experiences and insights provide a detailed roadmap for those approaching retirement, illustrating how to maintain health and well-being while embracing newfound freedom. Discover how to avoid common retirement pitfalls, plan for the future, and ensure a comfortable, fulfilling lifestyle. Whether you're seeking personal growth, career development, or a deeper understanding of leadership and empowerment, this episode offers a treasure trove of advice and inspiration, with Dr. Stanton's book "The Lotus Within" as a guide to blooming where you're planted.

Read her blog at: https://www.ameliads.com/blog

Order her book at: https://www.amazon.com/LOTUS-Within-Purpose-Ignite-Passion/dp/B0DDR1GMD1

Chapters

• 0:37 The Lotus Within
• 11:19 Discovering Passion and Prioritizing Responsibilities
• 22:44 Navigating Passion and Relationships
• 29:53 Transitioning From Military to Civilian Life
• 41:40 Self-Care and Career Planning
• 50:25 Creating Daily Self-Care Routines
• 56:25 Retirement Weight Gain and Planning
• 1:01:54 Leadership and Empowerment Book Recommendation

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:37

Hi everybody. I'm Dr Daniel Roberts, president and CEO of Moral Injury Support Network for Service Women Incorporated. Welcome to the Moral Injury Support Network podcast. Today we have Dr Amelia Duran Stanton sharing with us. She's a colonel in the US Army, originally born in the Philippines, but she served in the Army for over 32 years, which includes eight years enlisted with deployments to Kosovo, iraq and Afghanistan and 24 years as a physician's assistant. She holds a PhD in post-secondary and adult education and a doctor of science and PA studies and orthopedics. She is certified as a Lean Six Sigma Master Black Belt with multiple awards and decorations. She has mentored, coached, sponsored and taught several women over the years. She has published over 100 articles and presentations with topics ranging from medicine, mentorship and management. So hey, dr Amelia, how are you today?

Speaker 2: 1:39

Good Dr. Daniel. How are you? Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1: 1:43

Yeah, you're welcome. I was very good. I was, you know, going through your bio and I go. Hey, I've been to a lot of those same places and, as he said in the famous movie Heartbreak Ridge, I probably chewed some of the same dirt. So a lot of great, a lot of deployments. And if you would just take a second to kind of introduce yourself, aside from what I put in the bio and give the audience a chance to learn a little bit more about you.

Speaker 2: 2:18

Absolutely. Thank you so much. So first of all, I wanted to tell everyone that only by being a soldier, I'm also a mother, I'm also a spouse and also as a professional mentor for folks that really reach out to me to help them in their careers and also personally. So what got me into this is that I wanted to make sure that I left a legacy, as the twilight of my career is soon in the military.

Speaker 2: 2:50

I was trying to figure out how can I give something back that it's enduring, so even when I'm gone, they can read this book and realize that this is the passion that I've always had, even at a younger age, in helping other women and also, along the way, it will help men as well, because whenever you help that woman that's struggling or managing so many things in their lives, the better off we all are. And, regarding what you said on, we've been in the same dirt, probably. So that's what the lotus is about. It's about being in that mud, symbolizing the ability to rise from adversity. So that's what the lotus flower does, and that's why I chose that as one of the themes in the book, to symbolize that we can all bloom where we're planted.

Speaker 1: 3:42

Yeah, I like that. I retired a few months ago from the US Army after many years, and so I think you'll find once you retire you'll have a little bit more freedom and your opportunity to extend your influence will even be even greater. So retirement can be scary for people, especially soldiers that are used to this very structured environment. But once you get used to the freedom which doesn't take long, didn't take long for me you can realize how much more opportunities you have to influence because you have a lot of time back. So, anyway, the Lotus Within is your new book and it's about helping women strategically plan for their future, prioritize and manage their time, but also, you mentioned, it's about blooming where you're planted. So, first of all, what prompted you to write that book?

Speaker 2: 4:44

Yes, so one of the main things that I was thinking about is when I was stationed in Germany prior to moving here in San Antonio during the Christmas season, there was a lady, a businesswoman, that was teaching others to teach an online course. So I built this as an online course and then one of the lessons to do is ask, survey women on what they needed help with, and those are the three things that emerge as topics for them, which is strategic planning, time management and prioritization, which is my forte, being in the military, and people reach out to me for those things to help them. And then the other is finally, at the epitome or at the end of my career reaching the rank of colonel, looking back, as enlisted. I started out as a private. Reaching the rank of colonel, looking back, as enlisted. I started out as a private From beginning to end. What can I leave behind? That somebody, even though they've never met me, can gain from the lessons that I've learned, because I pretty much stumbled many times before and got back up and I had help along the way.

Speaker 2: 5:57

So there may be some a woman out there that think they're in doom and gloom, but when they read the book they can realize that you don't have to wait until you go to the next duty station or go to the next job, or when I retire. It's more what can you do today that your future self will help you now. So that's the main thing, and and the other is, uh, being a mother. Um is one of the the catalysts of realizing that there's somebody that's relying on you. So especially those that are taking care of somebody else.

Speaker 2: 6:34

Most of the time they neglect themselves. So many of us are multitaskers at heart. We want to be an octopus, have our heart tentacles on everything, but in the long run we burn ourselves out and we have nobody else but ourselves to blame. So we can't blame other people for all the things that we're doing. When you have the ability to say no to certain things and I teach that in how you can do that and how you prioritize by going back to what you're passionate about so the book is actually also a workbook, where it's not one of those you read it in an hour and you're done with it. It's actually one of those things that you have to sit down and write a journal and answer the questions, reflect on your childhood, reflect on things that you may not otherwise think about if you weren't reading the book or just doing the daily grind of your daily lives.

Speaker 1: 7:29

Okay, so the women that you're mentoring right now, are they first of all, are they all women and are they veterans? Are they first of all, are they all women and are they veterans? Are they currently serving? Kind of what's the demographics of the people that you're mentoring?

Speaker 2: 7:44

Yes, there's a gamut of them. The main reason that I chose women for this book is because it's my first main book, but the lessons that I put in there, even in men can get something out of it in there, even in men can can get something out of it, and even children, because it's it's about preparing yourself to be better, pretty much so. The people that I mentor now are a gamut of our different generations, generational, and sometimes I mean in fact every time I learned from them as well. So it's like reciprocal, because there are certain things that a younger captain or a younger professional can teach me about electronics or computers or taking care of myself better. So those are the things I learned from the younger generation and from the more senior generation. I learned from their mistakes of how I can do better, just like what you were saying. You're retired now, so you're even teaching me that, hey, there's a light at the end of the tunnel of that retirement, where your circle of influence will increase because you have more time.

Speaker 2: 8:53

So even in that two minutes that we're in this call, you already taught me something. So I teach everybody and I welcome everyone and whoever reaches out to me, and there are some people that are doing so well and I can tell that they're motivated. So that's the main thing that I look for is they're motivated to learn and they're willing to grow. So they ask me questions and I help them along the way. There's people that I counsel, there's those that I coach, there's those that I mentor and those also there are some that I sponsor. So each one of those is so different on how I make myself available, based on what they need and what I think they need.

Speaker 1: 9:38

I make myself available based on what they need and what I think they need. Yeah, okay, that's great, and and here at the end of the end of the podcast today, I'll give you a chance to really let people know how they can reach out to you. So we'll talk about that later. But one of the things that that I'm really curious about earlier you mentioned that you know someone is overtasked out of time. You know burning themselves out, that it's on them, and I think I'd really love to unpack that some, because you mentioned you're a colonel in the army, which is, uh, someone with a lot of responsibility, um, responsibility that you don't always get to choose right, like I'm sure there there's a lot of demands on your time that that you, you don't choose they, they come at you from, from the army.

Speaker 1: 10:36

You're also a physician's's assistant, so that's a busy job, and you're a mom. So I think you're a good person to talk about that, because if it's someone like me who I'm retired Now, I stay plenty busy. I have this non-profit that I'm running. I have some books, I'm writing, I'm doing other things, but I am more or less choosing my time, and so for me to talk about time management burnout is not the same as someone like you who's an active duty military officer, pa, a mom and all that. And if I talk about you know you need to manage your time.

Speaker 1: 11:19

It could be easy for someone to say yeah, easy for you to say cause you're retired, but you're saying that and you're somebody with a lot of responsibilities, a lot of duties, and so to me, I think there's a lot of weight to what you're saying, and I'm prefacing all that with a question of when you have someone like yourself high response, high level responsibility, a lot of demands on the time, a lot of demands from other people, whether it's patients, superior officers, children, whatever but yet you say it's really on a person to be able to do that and you can say no to certain things. Talk about that and how somebody can balance that and how somebody can make choices about what they're saying no to. Because it could be really difficult, right, really difficult to, to make those choices, feeling like I'm letting somebody down, I'm shirking my responsibility, whatever, all those kind of like emotional messages that we get, especially especially as an army, a military person who that sort of from day one right, we're sort of like trained to think about duty first.

Speaker 2: 12:29

Yes, absolutely so. There are two ways to approach this. The usual one, that's typical, is you just go through your tasks and then figure out if you need to be there in person, or whether you can be there virtually, or whether you can just email that or have a meeting. And then the other is whether you don't have to be there at all and delegate it. Or another thing is don't do it at all or identify that. Another thing is don't do it at all or identify that. But what I'm teaching other people is not just going through your list, it's actually going back and taking care of yourself by figuring out what are you passionate about. Because when you're just going through the list of the things that you have to do on a daily basis, you're just going through randomly like a computer. But if you're going back on what makes you happy, what are your big rocks meaning, what's important to you in your life? Because in the military we always tell people the army will keep rolling along At the end of your career, the army will continue doing what it does, which is win the nation's wars. But on your side, will your spouse still be with you? Will your kids be still with you? Will they appreciate that you're there, or will they be so used to you being gone all the time, based on the checklist that you made, that you didn't prioritize them, that you're all. So that's one of the main things that I teach others is just not just going through that list and triaging pretty much on what you need to do on a daily basis, but figuring out what's important to you. So, with that because it's different for everybody For me it's taking care of my family, making sure that I have the finances that I need to set myself up for success when I'm, when I'm retired, and also teaching and coaching.

Speaker 2: 14:22

This is my passion. So I'm doing things now to prepare myself for retirement so that when I'm at that retirement age I'm doing what I love. A good example that I have is I have a friend that retired from the military and she bakes. I was like how did you figure that out? That you were a clinician for so many years and all of a sudden it's so different, because she's like the clinician part was to pay the bills, but her passion was baking. So she finally had the time to pursue and do something completely different, and I love that the time to pursue and do something completely different and I love that. But I wish people would do that more even before retirement, so that they can enjoy the early ages of their lives where they can enjoy what they love.

Speaker 2: 15:10

So that's what I would tell people is look inside, just read the book and go through the lessons that I put in there. One of them is going through your childhood, because a lot of people may think, oh, my childhood was non-relevant. It is relevant because you may find things there in hindsight you thought at the time were negatives, but they were probably positive. So one of mine is when I lived in the Philippines, my parents were actually in the States and I was in the Philippines living with relatives. When I was a child I was thinking they left me, they don't love me. So that's my thought in that age. But as I grow up and learn on what the events, that happened it's because they wanted a better future for me that they couldn't provide while they were in the States. And then, when they brought us to the States, that's when I was able to have more opportunities. But if I just think of that, blindsided and not knowing that I would be, I would be being not not wanting to talk about my childhood but in hindsight, whatever they did during that timeframe actually helped me succeed. I was independent, they, I had chores, I had to take care of other cousins. So whatever you did, just go back on how you went through your childhood, on the great things that happened there, and even the negative ones can be positives. And then there are some people that may need to seek therapy whenever they're talking about that childhood stuff, depending on what trauma they had. But it's that insight that you have at your fingertips that you can go through.

Speaker 2: 16:53

And then the other is writing an obituary, then the other is writing an obituary. So doing a childhood is retro. And then, prospectively in the future is when they're eulogizing you. What do you want them to talk about? And I wrote an example in the book. But bottom line is my passion for helping others is what I want to be remembered by. So that will be my legacy.

Speaker 2: 17:18

And some people don't like writing obituaries. Just think, when you're 92 or whatever age, 30 years from now, what do you want to be remembered by? Or when you're looking back, what do you want to leave behind? And then talk to your family and prioritize what's going on in your life. So those are the main things that I think, instead of just telling you you have to go on a daily basis, figure out what you need to do day to day. Just take time to go through that childhood memories and also writing that obituary, because then it will center you to figure out what you need to do today.

Speaker 2: 17:54

So, for example, with that example, if there's an event that's only a one-time thing, like your children's rehearsal or whatever event that's only a one-time, you can request time off to do that and tell your boss that this is important to me. I have to miss that. Whatever exercise that you have to go through and they're more than likely understand because it's a one-time event. Or there's somebody in your family that's having a wedding. Hopefully that's just a one-time thing, but but that's a significant event for somebody's life. So, um, it's so. It's so important to uh to realize what needs to get done.

Speaker 2: 18:33

And, and like what you said, everybody is, uh has a boss.

Speaker 2: 18:38

I mean, regardless of what, what rank you are, everybody has a boss. I mean, regardless of what rank you are, you can be a four star and there's still somebody that you work for. So I also teach them about leading, managing and following. So I have a talk on that, on determining, depending on the situation. Are you the leader in this particular situation, where you have to provide the vision and also take the hill type thing where they follow you to go to that hill, or are you just managing, where you're just basically making sure that the task is done and there's no personal connection to it? Or are you the one that's following? Because in order to be a good leader and a good manager, you have to be a good leader, follower and to make sure that you get things done, because you don't want somebody that's only a great leader and a great manager but they don't get the task done when they're in following mode. And I teach them that you have those three roles that you need to be available for, whatever the task, that may be Right.

Speaker 1: 19:46

Yeah, I think there's a lot there that I'm very interested in talking with you further about. One of the things, though, is things, though, is um, I think it. I think a lot of people find it difficult to identify what they love, you know, and it's because a lot of different reasons, um, going back to childhood, you know, their mother may, or parents may, have said do something safe. Safe, get a job doing this, have a career doing this. My parents were certainly.

Speaker 1: 20:22

You know, I had a lot of wild ideas as a teenager, what I wanted to be and for everything. It was like you don't want to do that, you know, that could be this and that. So then it became difficult oftentimes for me to dream, for me to identify what I love, because I always had them in my head going that's not safe. A lot of people fail, most people don't, whatever. And then for people that have careers already, you might, they may even be getting tired of their career, but it pays the bills, may even be getting tired of their career, but it pays the bills, they know. You know that chasing something else is unsafe, risky, whatever. I mean, there's all these different kind of like challenges to identify what it is you love, what it is you're passionate about. Do you find that people find it difficult sometimes to identify that, and how do you help them work through that?

Speaker 2: 21:24

Yes, I agree with you, because even for myself, when I was doing that exercise, I had difficulty as well. So the main thing is asking yourself personally what you like to do, what gets you up in the morning. If you had all the money in the world, you get up, what would you be doing? That's one way, and then the other is ask your significant other what do you think about me? So it's like a reflection of asking somebody else what do you think I'm good at? And also think about what people approach you for, like whenever there's something that needs to get done, whether that be baking a cake or whether that be planning a excursion or a trip what do people come to you for? So for me, it's the mentoring they come to you for. So for me, it's the mentoring they come to me for advice. So I knew that that was a forte for me, especially when they see me how the heck do you get so much done with the same time that I have? And then I tell them this is how I manage my time, this is how I prioritize. And then the other is there's another book that's called what Colors your Parachute? I had to read that when I was in high, yeah. And then the other is uh, there's another book that's called what colors your parachute that I had. I had to read that when I was in high school, I think. So that's another.

Speaker 2: 22:44

So go through references that you have out there. I mean not just my book, where it talks about how to find your ikigai, which is your passion. There's lessons in there on on what you love, what you love to do, what will what will make money and and what will other people pay you for what you love to do, what will make money and what will other people pay you for. So it goes back to that center of where you are in your passion that can pay the bills pretty much, and also for people that are struggling with that, you have to be your best cheerleader pretty much. You have to be your best advocate for whatever that is. You may be doing one job right now that you don't love, but you have to be your best advocate for whatever that is. You may be doing one job right now that you don't love, but you have to continue that. But you're also doing what they call a side hustle, but it's basically what you're doing on the side while you're still able to maintain your current situation.

Speaker 2: 23:32

But you're doing something that you're passionate about, whether that be writing a book, like writing a paragraph every day, or reading, or whatever that passion is. Just do something, even if it's just for 30 minutes a day, and it will get you there eventually. But at least you're not worried about well, where's my next meal? Because my passion will not pay the bills. And this is the case with, with, um, uh, my daughter is a an art major in a utsa, in fact she's she's my artist in the inside of the book, um, so sometimes I worry about the things that she'll be doing.

Speaker 2: 24:11

It's like what are you gonna eat ramen, the rest of your life type thing. The bills, but bills. But it's what she's passionate about, so she's not worried about how much money she'll make in whatever the art is needed. But it's something that I learned from this new generation, especially my children, that do what you love and everything else will come into place, especially when you have a mom that helps with the bills. But it's that mindset, that, even if it's just one hour a day, doing something that you love and taking care of the time that you have in order to facilitate that, because at the end of the day, we only have one life to live at this point, and what are you going to be doing? Are you going to be regretting that you didn't do what you were passionate about?

Speaker 1: 25:05

Yeah, that's good. Have you mentored or coached people that that maybe were encountering some resistance from from loved ones or spouses, as they sort of began pursuing what they loved? Have you encountered any of those situations with the folks that you mentor?

Speaker 2: 25:29

Yes, I have, especially when they're dual military. Because whenever they're dual military, whose career is going to be at the front at this point? And it kind of builds some resentment sometimes when, whether it's that somebody that's doing well in their career and their, whatever job they took at AOC, whatever job they have in the military, is progressing faster than the other, is progressing faster than the other. But I really see that when it comes to the male being higher ranking and then the woman that gets pregnant and then will have to support the husband to make sure that their career is good, but then it deflects on what the woman wanted to do and that's I think it has been common in the past, but now also women are becoming more competitive.

Speaker 1: 26:24

Right.

Speaker 2: 26:25

Where sometimes it's the children that suffer from that. So it does create friction, but the main thing is, like I said, going back to what your big rocks are. What's important to you Is the marriage important to you Because I've had dual military folks that do well. It's because they take turns or they have times where they're not together all the time. I have one mentee the spouse is somewhere else and then she's at another location. So it's a lot of sacrifice, but at the end of it is what I was telling you about. When you're retired, who do you want to be by your side to live through your retirement life? You can't just assume that they're going to be there at that end. You have to cultivate that throughout your career and don't just assume that somebody, because you have to ask them what their priorities are as well.

Speaker 1: 27:29

I think oftentimes when we get excited about what we're passionate about, we have one vision for what we want to accomplish and if we really let ourselves dream, that can be a big one.

Speaker 1: 27:46

But then we have that partner that doesn't see it the same way. Even if they're supportive, they're still not in your head and I think it could be easy to see them as being negative towards it, when they may be just offering options or asking, you know, important questions to make sure to help to understand what you're trying to do. Are you thinking about all the options? I find those things, although they can be uncomfortable, to be good questions, good points of discussion and help you maybe adjust your vision a little bit to something that can fit with your current situation, that can fit within a relationship. I I mean, it's certainly one thing if you have, like a dream stealer that's just a negative person who's just trying to cut you down, and then you have a questionable relationship in the first place. But our spouses, our partners, do tend to ask some pretty tough questions, especially when we just come out of the blue with like hey, I'm passionate about this and I want to be whatever. Do that like whoa, where did this come from?

Speaker 1: 29:03

let's talk about right, yep. So I think those conversations can be uncomfortable, but good, and I think if we can be open-minded we can adjust what we want to do a little bit so that we can have both still maintain this wonderful relationship and get to do, because if they love you and if they're, if you have a good relationship, they want to support you, but also they want to eat, pay the bills you know, whatever so yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 29:32

In fact, my, my husband's the same way. Yeah, he makes me think critically, like even finding a vehicle. He'll say what's the end state of this? What do you want from us visiting this location out of?

Speaker 2: 29:46

this so even things like that, and especially with the mindset of what do you want to do when you retire? What makes you happy? Because sometimes you don't know yourself. I'm like I don't know, Maybe I've been unhappy for so long that I don't know yourself. I'm like I don't know, I've been, maybe I've been unhappy for so long that I don't know, or something like that.

Speaker 2: 30:01

So if they're quiet or they're not asking questions, maybe they don't care. So the friction of making you critically think about your decision may be a good thing, but you have to because you can't, because I've known folks that were in the military that didn't ask their spouses what they wanted and they just kept going on with taking the next job, the next job, the next job, and it takes them away from the spouse. But at the end of the day, the spouse doesn't want to stay with you anymore because you kept neglecting them, not asking them for their in anymore, because you kept neglecting them, not asking them for their input. They're the ones that are being left behind, while that individual is succeeding in their career but is being neglected.

Speaker 1: 30:50

Yeah, I think it's a really good point and I saw that a lot in my in the military, both on the officer and the enlisted side, and I at least in the army, I felt like the officer side was even more competitive, maybe depending on branch or whatever, but it was just really easy for. But it Sergeant Major, things move really fast and people tend to move like frequently every year, every two years, because you get that Command Sergeant Major position. That's only a two-year gig and then you're moving, you know clear, across the Army for something else and you do that for a year or two and then some. So it's like, and so I definitely saw some Sur major that got really focused on what's my next assignment, what's my next assignment? Because they wanted to be at that nominative level where they got to work for geos and I was, fortunate enough as a sergeant major I got. I had a few assignments. The assignments I had, the first one was only a year long, but after that I was for there for a long time and I was in the chaplain corps and I was able to really just say and I was in, I was active, but I was in the army reserve and so I was able to really just say I'm happy here, this is where I want to be, I'm not trying to. And I finished at Fort Bragg, now Fort Liberty, and it was so, so.

Speaker 1: 32:36

But even I had a tough conversation with the command sergeant major. He's like what, you know what? What do you want on your NCOVR? How how can I because the CG, you know how can I help shape your NCOVR? And I was like CSM, I don't want to move anywhere. I don't want to go anywhere, I'm happy where I'm at right now. I, I'm not trying.

Speaker 1: 32:53

He did not love that Like he. He did not love that conversation. He was like you know, and he was a little unkind, but I was like I didn't have to care, I knew I was not going to move again, yeah. And when it came to the end and it was like hey, you got a PCS one more time, I'm like Nope, I'm going to retire. But it can be really, really hard to make those kind of decisions, and so my question to you would be for those senior military people, whether enlisted or commissioned officer, even warrant officer, whatever the case is helping them make that decision about finally retiring, and then how far out do they really need to be thinking about their next thing in the sense of imagining it, visioning it, writing it like how far out do you, kind of ask, get people to think about?

Speaker 2: 33:52

it. What I'm seeing with the SFL tap is they want you to prepare three years in advance now, because before it was just one year and then it became two years. But to me it's five. Because five years to establish, because right now where are you going to live, where's your location? Because that will take some time because that PCS move. I mean, even after you retire you have three years to move your stuff. But I think five years is a comfortable timeline.

Speaker 2: 34:25

Some people may think that's too soon. No, it's not, especially when you map out where your kids are, because we also do a Big Rocks, little Rocks, my husband and I, and we have the timeline of where he is, where I am, where your kids are. Because we also do a big rocks, little rocks, my husband and I, and we have the timeline of where he is, where I am, where the kids are. So we have a child that's about a junior in high school, so next year and then the following year he'll be out of the house as well and I have, uh, someone in college. So it just depends on on timeline. But five years is definitely, because then you also have to get accustomed to civilian sector. Get your name out there Instead of three months prior to retirement, you're asking people for leads that getting that LinkedIn account has not been built for less than a year and you're wanting help. So building that repertoire of knowing how the civilian sector works and how they're managed, especially if you want a GS position and also in the civilian side. For me, as a PA, we're so marketable on the civilian sector, so it's good to know what's available out there and what you want. Do you want to be an adjunct professor? Do you want to work in urgent care? So, depending on what position you want to go, post-retirement and lifestyle also, do you want to just work half-time because you're getting retirement pay or how old are you now? So things like that that need to be taken into consideration.

Speaker 2: 35:57

So I think, five years getting yourself established on both sides, military and civilian Because even as a young officer, whenever I mentored even the NCOs, be prepared as if you're staying for retirement in the military, but also be prepared as if you're leaving the military tomorrow. So that's why I tell them education, education, education, because nobody can take away that education part. So even that Baker example that I gave you five years out before retirement, start establishing yourself, learning the craft. I mean, the military gives us TA tuition assistance and also credential assistance to get things like that done. So PMP is an example, program management certifications, lisc-sigma, and also sometimes they even have things for executive coaching, so that I've been able to do that using the current benefits that I have. So I think the main thing is getting educated not only personally on what you need to do when you retire, but also getting those requirements that you need post-retirement, especially when it's different from what you were doing in the military.

Speaker 1: 37:20

That's a good point. When I first retired, I taught middle school for just a minute. I realized very quickly that wasn't my gig, but you learned yeah.

Speaker 1: 37:34

But you know, if I did decide to stay a middle school teacher, um, I would have needed to to like like they were able to get me I think it was called a provisional license or something. That's like, hey, we're going to give you, uh, you meet, you meet like the edge. You meet more or less the requirements. You have to do this testing to sure, because it was math, I was a math teacher, so I had to take a math test to make sure I. But you got the like this year license, provisional, but during that time you have to take three months of of teacher preparation training. You have to, you have to take the practice test, teacher preparation training. You have to take the practice test. You have to do all this stuff.

Speaker 1: 38:19

And if I was really committed to being a teacher and I was thinking about that even a couple of years before I could have began getting all that stuff done and so that when I retired I was like here's my practice test scores, here's my certificate for this teacher preparation thing. I've done all this and I wouldn't be trying to like teach, put lessons planned together, grade, do all this other stuff, and like do this other certificates and things like that. So that makes sense. About planning that far ahead. I mean you probably can't apply for jobs that far ahead, but you can begin to get the certifications you need and begin to preparing. Talking to your spouse and your children about five years from now, if I'm retired, what do we want to do? All that? It makes a lot of sense to me.

Speaker 2: 39:11

Yes, and the lifestyle you want and also your social security benefits. That's a lot of sense to me. Yes, and the lifestyle you want and also your social security benefits. That's why it's important to know, with the timeline of your ages, right now up to a point where you're a certain age and then where you took military retirement in the beginning, because I have colleagues that have done over 30 years in the military and they don't want to work anymore. They just like, yeah, but that's the lifestyle.

Speaker 2: 39:37

You know that you're only getting a certain amount of pay from retirement and you should have been saving along the way. But it's a good time to start saving, and there are some folks that decide that they're not going to live in the United States. So how are you going to be an expatriate in another country where there are requirements for that, whether that be in Asia or Europe or Latin America? There's certain requirements of what you need to do and how much money you're supposed to be making in order to sustain your lifestyle in that other country. So yeah, in that other country.

Speaker 1: 40:14

So, yeah, I think it's like before I retired, I was still on the fence about it. You know I'd have friends that already retired. Come on over, it's great over on this side. Trust me, your blindfolds yeah.

Speaker 1: 40:39

And you just don't realize, especially if you've been in for a long, long time, you don't really realize how much freedom of choice you do have to decide, uh, about what you're going to do. You know, um, with your years, because in in the military you only get so much choice. I mean they say to manage your own career, but really I mean they mostly told me where I was going. Next there were a few times they said, hey, where do you want to go? And even if they did, it was like this place or that place. Gee, you know so. So you don't really realize how much freedom you have, and so it can be difficult, I would think, for somebody to be able to kind of get out of that mindset of like the military tells me where to go, the military tells me what I'm going to get to make more money. The military tells me so have you encountered any of those challenges? And helping people sort of really think beyond that.

Speaker 2: 41:40

Yes, in fact I have colleagues. I mean, back in the day when I was a captain, there was a colonel that was a visiting provider because they said that she's about to retire and I was talking to her and she's like she had no at all. She's like I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Speaker 2: 41:59

it's almost like a lame duck, you know, getting ready to get shot like I I have plans and it's almost like they're they're stressing themselves without having have had so me sitting there as a captain.

Speaker 2: 42:15

I was like when I'm a colonel, I'm going to make sure that before I retire, I know what I want to do instead of because it's just a wake up call to me that, regardless of how old you are, what rank you are, on what position you are I mean, this is a clinician, I mean somebody that can make money on the outside but it's that feeling of like out of control, of something where you do have control, but you decided not to do it.

Speaker 2: 42:44

But now you're at that end of your career and you didn't plan for it. So it was kind of an eye opening for me to see that that there are people that are that are doing that. So that's what I. I remember it, and now that I'm in this rank, I'm like I'm not going to let that happen to me. I'm going to know where I'm going to live, I will save enough money and I know my kids are taken care of and I'll and I'll do what I'm passionate about because even with my motivator for getting a PhD in education is to be able to teach online in my pajamas. Like be dressed up at the top and bottom being my pajamas.

Speaker 2: 43:25

So my exit plan. So that's the reason why I pursued that. And then the other thing that I've seen, not only because I'm a provider, but a lot of the senior folks neglect their health, especially towards the end when they're scrambling to put things in their health records. That last year, when you should have been going to get seen whenever that ailment but that was the environment at the time is that you don't get hurt and if you are hurt, don't tell anybody, just keep pressing on. But then at the end of their career, um, nothing is documented. So that's another uh lesson learned from.

Speaker 2: 44:06

For me is is I was guilty myself of that, even during my, my, um, younger rank, especially being a provider. I was like I'm I'm not going to get seen for that. I'm tougher than that soldier that does whatever hurts. So nothing is documented. But I'm now being able to take the time to actually go get seen and take care of myself. That's another lesson is nobody else is going to take care of you unless you take care of yourself. Lesson is nobody else is going to take care of you unless you take care of yourself, because nobody else knows what kind of pain you're in internally and externally, especially, um, in our setting where if you have a broken bone, everybody knows you have a broken bone, but if you have some internal psychological things that's happening and you're not telling anyone, it's not helping you and it's not helping you in the long run when you leave the military and it's not documented.

Speaker 1: 44:58

Yeah, I think, as and as a person gets near. Well, let me put this I think mentorship is one of those really vitally important things that we do for each other. But if you're thinking about getting a mentor or you're thinking about getting someone to sponsor you, help you, or whatever, it can be a little tricky because if you don't immediately know people that that can help you. Like when I retired, I told everybody hey, you know, keep my number, call me as you get near retirement, cause at the level I worked, uh, it was a three star level. So everybody was senior, you know, everybody was within a year or two of retiring, um, for the most part.

Speaker 1: 45:53

So so I always told my staff and and folks that worked with me hey, just call me if you have any questions, because I'm I'm gonna work this through, I'm happy to help and so, um, even with, even with taps and all the stuff that you go through, still you need somebody to be able to call at times and just say I, you know, I've seen all the videos, I've seen all the training. Still, you know, right now I need a little help or somebody to talk me through this, or I need to bounce some of this off of you, and so I think it's a valuable service that you offer, and so I want to ask a little bit about that. Do you charge a fee as far as when you're mentoring people, or do you have a program that you take people through, or how does that work?

Speaker 2: 46:42

So right now, because I'm still establishing myself, like I said, this is my exit plan out of the military. We've become become monetized. So right now what I'm building is I finished that executive coaching. So what I do is I do have a website At some point with the book. That's a way that I'm indirectly mentoring, and then I also have a blog on that website where people can read every Sunday lessons from the book and just follow it started it early, late in the year, last year by my publisher, so that's one way that you can get with me at no cost. And also I'm building an online course where I can plug it up and just determining how much to charge for that. So it it's not again, it's indirect, but then at some point I also would like to do what you're mentioning, which is one-to-one coaching and also group coaching.

Speaker 2: 47:38

I think it's beneficial, especially when I did a pilot course in preparation for the book and also that online course. The value of just seeing somebody else in the same shoes as you, that's struggling, and having somebody help everybody and then they help each other as well, is very valuable. But that's also available in certain circles in the civilian sector just finding one that already charges. But to me I'm not to that point yet, but I would like to get to that point. Especially, like I told you, I'm still active duty so I'm not double dipping charging soldiers so that I don't monetize that at all. So at some point when I am out of the military is part of my, my, my passion is to continue to help veterans, spouses and those in the military by being a coach, or at least they can download those courses and pay for the courses and learn through the book as well.

Speaker 1: 48:43

Yeah, so now's the time for people to take advantage and reach out to you and get get some help. So that's great. Like I said in the show notes, um, and at the end of the podcast, we'll definitely, uh, make sure we give you a chance to to talk about all the ways that people can reach out to you. Um, so, just before we get to that part, or is there anything that you wanted to to leave the audience with in terms of thoughts and ideas before we close out today?

Speaker 2: 49:17

Well, so, as you know from just our talking, I'm very passionate about empowering other people and I want them to be self-sufficient in what they need to do.

Speaker 2: 49:28

A lot of the times, whenever we go through our career, we neglect ourselves. So the main thing that I want to share is that take care of yourself, Because if you don't do that, it doesn't matter if there are other people that need you. You won't give your 100% if you are not taking care of yourself as well. I mean, early in the morning should be focusing on you, not checking the email and what the boss needs or whatever needs to get done for that day, or your children, Even if you have to wake up an hour earlier to focus on whatever you need to do to energize for the day, especially what is different for extroverts and introverts. So so a lot of the things that that I that I share is regardless of what you're doing, make sure that you look in the mirror and and take care of that number one person that's in front of you first, before you make an effort to help other people.

Speaker 1: 50:25

Okay, last thing here, before we get to your contact information website and so on do you have a morning and a bedtime routine that you do related to what you just talked about? You know, I'm not talking about brushing your teeth and stuff, but talking about that, you know. Do you have that morning and bedtime routine that you do to take care of yourself in that way?

Speaker 2: 50:51

Yes, I do so. Most recently it's that spiritual part. When I wake up in the morning I have a little women's Bible study thing and it's snippets and it has the date. So every day I read that and then it has questions at the bottom. So I answer that myself and I and I've also started doing the stoic, um, the daily stoic, with um Mr Reynolds. So I do that as well and that's also an evening thing. And then and then after that, those, those two items in the morning, and I and I do PT in the morning. So not only because it's required, but it's also a way to get myself going on the day, stretching and exercising. And then getting ready for the day is making sure that a breakfast because don't skip breakfast and then, of course course, getting ready to make sure that the things that I, that that I need are are good to go and I and I don't rush to work I don't like rushing and and then getting settled at work. It takes a while because of the computers and all the things that need to be turned on, uh, so, especially on mondays. So also for the evening routine is making sure everything I need for the morning is ready and also scanning through, because you know we have two phones.

Speaker 2: 52:17

If you're a leader in the military, you look, I look at my government one and my civilian one to see to make sure that that are in sync and figuring out what's going on for the week.

Speaker 2: 52:29

Sync and figuring out what's going on for the week. And one thing that I've been doing every month is I've been meeting with a couple of junior leaders. We go through three months prior, the month prior we go through the month and when we go through the next three months. So it's like reverse mentoring we help each other out on what we need to get done for the next three days and we know what we're working on. So that's been helpful. And a lot of the things is based on what you're passionate about, what you're doing, like, for example, writing a book. I'm passionate about writing a second book at some point, so I read up on that. And also, taking time with friends is so important because at the end of the day, when you're retired, I mean, I'm sure you'll be fine being alone for a few days, but afterwards you need that social interaction.

Speaker 1: 53:22

No, I think you have a good routine and a good plan. And it's true, you have a good routine and a good plan, and it's true. So when you retire, it took me. It took me, so I retired and I started terminal leave in August. I was teaching eighth grade math. That was very, very traumatic, but then I resigned right before the Christmas holidays and, and so went through the christmas holidays and all that and just like I no longer had to worry about weighing in, making pt tests and all that. So I really, I mean, I just went overboard badly, yes, just like I was constantly eating and and all the bad stuff. Cause I felt like you know, for the last 30 years I've been dieting and this and that and the other. But then I came to my senses and, um, you know, I did start a morning walk routine.

Speaker 1: 54:22

One of the things that's beneficial about being in the military is you're used to getting up early. So so, you know, people were like, hey, now that you're retired, do you sleep in? I sleep in till seven, which is, you know, it feels like a long sleep in. It's better than getting up at five, but it's still early enough that I can get a morning, walk in before I take my daughter to school and it's been great being able to take her to school every day pick her up in the afternoons and stuff that little bit of time time that we get we couldn't get before.

Speaker 1: 54:56

But but you're right, like staying in a routine of doing some kind of physical activity, even if it's not working out as hard as you did in the military, watching what you eat even more, for it's like you can binge a little bit at the beginning if you want, but because you're going to not be so busy, so working out so hard and all this stuff, you do have to get to an adjustment where you're kind of like adjusting that and it's very likely for a lot of our listeners and that when they retire or they've experienced this when they retired you need a new social group, because the old social group might still be in. They're still working every day, putting in those 60 hours a week and so on, but I mean they're not available.

Speaker 1: 55:50

The community start connecting with them and going to the hardware store and chatting the guy up for a few minutes, not just getting the tool and leaving you know, and being in a hurry all the time. Those kind of things can help build that social network that you kind of lost when you, when you leave the military and stuff. So it takes some time to transition into those thoughts and to do that. But you also go. I have more time. I can take 20 minutes at the hardware store. I don't have to be in and out in 30 seconds because I got a meeting to run to, you know whatever. So anyway, it's fun.

Speaker 2: 56:20

Very good, all right.

Speaker 1: 56:23

So yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2: 56:25

It's like, instead of the freshman 15, whenever you're in a new college, what's the retirement weight gain? Retirement 15 or is it 30?

Speaker 1: 56:36

Well, I was, like a lot of people, when I was getting towards the end I wasn't that last year I was like, guess what, I'm not doing a PT test, in a way, you know what I mean. I was like I have a retirement date, so so I was already starting to get a little heavy as I was going Uh, but I I definitely probably gained 30, 30 pounds, um, in a short period of time and and you can see it growing on you and you're kind of like. Part of me was like I, I hate that because it's in the military, I'm used to looking a certain way.

Speaker 1: 57:11

Another part of me was like yeah, but now I don't have to step on the scale for somebody else. So I would say it's like you know, take the time to, to have that fun, to splurge, don't stay out on it too long, get back into some healthy routines, um, but but even those like you don't, it's still. There's a bit of freedom, there's a bit of like I can actually take a longer walk instead of hurry up running changing getting to the next meeting. You know you can. There's actually trees here I'm seeing, you know, because before you're just you can be so focused.

Speaker 1: 57:49

So it's a good chance to kind of like, try to open that aperture a little bit and try to see the beauty around you, and that's a good thing for anybody to do. But you know, as you change your the time requirements of retire, it's kind of nice to be able to do that. So, anyway, um. So, amelia, what's the? So you mentioned uh, and we'll put all this in the show notes. But what are the different ways? Tell us again the name of the book and then the different ways people can reach out to you, uh, to get some help, or to to get some coaching, some mentoring, whatever.

Speaker 2: 58:32

Yeah, so it's called. Sorry, the Lotus Within Got a little cough in there and also my website is ameliadscom.

Speaker 1: 58:41

Okay.

Speaker 2: 58:42

So and slash blog B-L-O-G.

Speaker 1: 58:46

Okay, okay, great, and you're, you're. How close are you to retiring, by the way? Do you know?

Speaker 2: 59:03

I took the bonus, so that kind of stuff. So 2029, that's like what I said, it's 2025 right now. So I have the four-year cushion a little bit.

Speaker 1: 59:15

Yep, okay.

Speaker 2: 59:17

My mandatory retirement date is actually 2030.

Speaker 1: 59:21

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 59:22

Because of the new rank and then but 2029 is where I'm projecting. That's why I said it's so important to plan, because there's so much to do. Even I'm learning from colleagues and also close friends that are ahead of me a few years and they're retiring or retired, and I see the struggles that they're having.

Speaker 1: 59:44

Right.

Speaker 2: 59:46

Because they didn't take that five years prior? Because, because the step out tap, you can only attend it for maybe two years in advance. But yeah, and I've been going to the ausa events where they talk about retirement. So even though you're not at the retirement time frame, it's so important for you to attend those, because so you get into the mindset of someday it's going to be you and then all of a sudden it is you right don't be that colonel that I was sitting with when I was a captain, saying I don't know what to do.

Speaker 2: 1:00:18

It's almost like it's um it's. It was sad to me, um, that they waited until the last minute, um to get things done. Or you're already retired and trying to figure things out and you you're not meeting that lifestyle you wanted, because you don't get your full pay when you're retired. You only get a percentage of it. So I think it's so important to to plan ahead.

Speaker 1: 1:00:45

Yep, okay, folks. So it's been great having you, amelia and the Lotus Within. That's available on Amazon and other places you can buy books right up it's, it's all over the world almost.

Speaker 2: 1:01:13

Yeah, it's, it's. It's the way that the, uh, the publishing world works is I'm reading something in polish or it's in high or it's like, so it's available everywhere yeah, yeah, that's great.

Speaker 1: 1:01:22

And so, um, uh, it's been great having you, great talking to you. I would really encourage people to get the book because it's written by a colon of rank that's rare and very senior. So, just that experience alone, that leadership, communicating with people being in charge You've been in charge of a lot of people over the years and had to coach them and mentor them and help them with their careers and help them get things done, and so, uh, how they encourage you to pick up this book, um, it's sort of oriented for women but, as you're saying, men can learn a lot from it. So if you, uh, if you, um, have an idea about wanting to, to bloom where you're planted, wanting to maybe do a little more, have a little sense of that, you want your life to be a little more, this is a great book to pick up. So, again, thanks so much, amelia, and until next time we'll talk again.

Speaker 2: 1:02:38

Thanks, daniel, I appreciate you having me.

Speaker 1: 1:02:41

You're welcome.